I’ve been asked about the ethics of Hogwarts Legacy a lot lately, and wanted to give people a chance to engage with Harry Potter in a way that may ease their conscience.

People have tried workarounds to practice capitalism without benefiting J.K. Rowling. Frankly it’s impossible. However, I’d like to offer you a way out.

If you want to buy Hogwarts Legacy but feel bad about JKR’s endless transphobia and endorsements of anti-trans campaigners affiliated with the far-right and neo-Nazis, there is a solution.

I am introducing the ITM Hogwarts Tax. If you want to buy the game, you can Venmo @ianthomasmalone the full price of the game (70 dollars) or more if you would like me to speak to the Transgender High Council on your behalf so you can be adequately shamed and shunned for your actions.

This money will not go to charity. I promise only to use it on weed, alcohol, and other hedonistic vices or frivolities that will not benefit the world in any meaningful way. Charity would make you feel good about what you’ve done. The point is to feel ashamed. You’re paying me for the burden of having to acknowledge your unfettered gluttony.

I understand people may interpret this as a cash grab on my part, but I will not respect anyone who follows through with this stupidity. I will remember your name and laugh as I spend your penance on another hard kombucha. People wanted a way out of their guilt. The price cannot be painless.